Wednesday, February 8

Just for Women Wednesdays- When Women Label Other Women

You know you do it.
You don't mean to.
But you do.

What am I talking about?
Labeling the women around you.
We all do it.
We don't mean to but we do.

But why do we do it? It is done because we are creatures of habit. And we creatures of habit like to feel secure. Anything that makes us feel insecure and vulnerable, we dash to the closest thing that makes us feel secure e.g. a close and constant friend. 

When you walk into a room, does your mind run off to labeling other women around you as friends, best friends, acquaintances and women you don't know? It's OK if it does. But when we stay in this mindset of labeling, we miss getting to know other women around us. We miss getting to know their story, their gifts, their life. We miss being a blessing to them because we are so busy focused on ourselves and staying on our own agenda. Who of those women could be your best friends for life. But you wouldn't know it because you are too busy staying in your comfort zone with the friends you always have.

The Phrase that Still Hurts my Heart
I will never forget the time when a friend of mine in elementary school labeled a friend of mine as her "best friend." Ouch!!! It still hurts a bit when I think about it. Immediately I came to feel inferior, hurt, and ousted. The girl didn't mean anything harmful to me, but it did hurt. It hurt right to my heart.
Even now as grown woman, the phrase "best friend" still can leave a mark on my heart when I hear other women refer to other women in front of me in this way. It's like someone has shot an arrow right to my heart unintentionally and I wasn't prepared for it. I immediately can feel ousted, left out, and inferior because I am not labeled their "best friend." I don't want to feel this way. But sometimes, every now and then I do. I am just being honest. I share this because if I feel it, I know I am not alone. You feel it too! Be encouraged dear sister, with God's Spirit, we have help to overcome these heart wounds.

What's a Girl to Do?

  • Change Your Mindset
     It hurts our heart when we don't have a "best friend"  or when the person we thought was a good friend mentions a "best friend" in front of us. This is a real feeling. The more we hear other women talk about it,  it seems the greater the feeling can become inside our own heart. Don't let any root of bitterness grow in your heart my dear sister! Stay strong in the LORD!
      The greatest way that I have learned to deal with this real feeling of not being someones "best friend" is to seek to be a friend to them no matter what I am labeled according to their eyes. I do not search for a "best friend" anymore. I try to be a friend to all and be as loving, encouraging and supportive as I can to all. Searching to be a best friend to someone else can a lead a woman on a long journey of disappointment. Change your mindset (1 Corinthians 2:16).Pursue the mind of Christ over your old mindset. Be on the pursuit to be a loving Christian friend to all. In the journey, you will find a close friend.

  • Pray
Prayer is how you don't bear the burden of not being someones besty (Ephesians 6:18). If you have to meet with a group of women have closer connections within the group than you do, pray before you go meet them. Ask God to help you keep your thoughts focused on Him and His ways (Colossians 3:2). Thank God for being able to meet with these women and ask Him to help you be about His business and not be focused on how you feel.

I pray this has been a great encouragement to you today. It's painful. But it's real. If someone you thought was a good friend to you has a "besty," love that friend in the LORD and be thankful for her. Don't let your mind simmer in the statement made by her about another "besty." You are loved by God. Chosen. The Apple of His eye and He thinks you are wonderful. Be about His business and don't let these petty things of this world steal time away from being about His business.

Focus on being a friend to all, not looking for a besty.
Ask God to bring you a close friend.
You will save yourself from lots of heartache and wasted time.
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