"Aloneness" can hit us at the strangest times. The worst time is when it happens inside the church walls. You would think this would not be the case. But church is not a place where people are perfect. It's a place where people are sinners saved by grace. And where there is sin, there is imperfection. Hearts can get hurt. Not only can it happen to us, but if we aren't careful and deliberate with the words we choose to say to another woman, we can be the one who unknowingly makes another woman feel isolated. On the flip side if you are the woman who begins to have these feelings of aloneness at church, don't be discouraged. YOU can be proactive and know this is a weakness you have felt and tackle it head on beforehand with the LORD's help. I have experienced this deceptive feeling before at church and that is why I share it with you. This is how I handle the feelings that seek to destroy my heart while seeking the LORD.
1. Know Your Weakness
There are topics of conversation that can immediately put up an imaginary wall between two women in a packed room. Children vs. No children. Married vs. Single. Married vs. Divorced. Working mom vs. Stay at home mom. School Mom vs. Home school Mom. I could go on. But you get the picture. Know your weakness. Know the areas that you struggle with and deal with the insecurity with the LORD.
The longer you hide your feelings about your life from yourself and aren't confident in WHO you are in the LORD, the easier it will become to feel alone at church. Why? Because the topic of conversation will all of a sudden come up and strike a nerve and expose the insecure feeling or choices you have not dealt with. Whether its the choices you made in the past or the choices you are making at present, or just an insecure feeling about yourself, the more you push your weakness aside, the greater are for an attack against the enemy (It's not the woman. It's something greater! The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy).
2. Pray Before Church
It's something you do at church and something you probably do before church. But do you spread your weaknesses out before God before going to church knowing that you have had a struggle? If not, this is the BEST thing to do before walking into the place where you have felt under attack. My struggles have been many. But I know that when I lay it out before God, pray about it before I go to church, my heart walls are strong and not susceptible to a surprise attack.
3. Remember It's Only A Feeling
Feelings change like the clouds that float by in the sky. God's truth does not. It's solid. It's secure. It's the true voice you need to be preaching to yourself when the "feeling" is clouding your mind. Your past does not define you. Your present does not define you. They are significant life experiences that have happened to you. YOU are a child of God. A daughter of the Most High King!!!
4. Change Your Friends
I am not saying be rude to the people that have hurt you unknowingly. Extend grace. But if there topic of conversations and the way they talk is too painful for you to handle, seek to make new friends. You don't have to best buds with everyone. But you do need a woman who you can trust to lift you up and you lift her up. Women who don't have a clue that they have torn you down, even if you have shared that with them, don't get it. You are wasting your time in a relationship that is not going anywhere. Pray about seeking new friends and always be kind to the women you used to spend time with. Pray for God to open their eyes to how they have cut others off by the words of their mouth.
Last, it's reflection time.
Ask yourself the following questions:
"Am I doing my part to make an effort to get to know others?"
"Do the words of my mouth build others up?"
"Have I really poured myself into making connections beyond the church walls with this/ these women?"
"Have I really dealt with my insecurity?"
"Is this a relationship I need to re-evaluate?"
"Why have I felt alone at church?"
Dear sister, you are NOT ALONE!!! Many women have felt the same way not just at church but other places. Get to the root of your feeling. Pray. Reflect. Remember it's a feeling and it will pass. And if you need to seek new relationships seek them out. God didn't send Jesus to win the victory over sin and death so we could always feel alone. He gave us the victory so we could overcome these things on earth. But you have to bring it to Him and let Him teach and guide you.
Dear LORD, please heal my hurt. My feelings of aloneness. Help me get to the root of this issue that is keeping me from being effective for you at church. Give me truth to combat these feelings that destroy my heart. Show me the next steps I should take and help me walk forward looking at YOU with each step I take.
In Jesus name, Amen.