Just for Women Wednesdays- The Ugly Struggle with Body Image

Can I share something with you? I want to be tall. I REALLY want to be tall!!! But, I am not. Not at all. Not even close. Not even kind of close. Not even the average height. But you know what?  It's OK. It's really OK! It has taken me a long time to proclaim it, but it's true. I like being short. God made me this way and He is pleased with my stature. And if He is pleased, I am pleased.


This struggle began when I was in Junior High School when I realized while everyone around me was growing taller, taller, taller....I myself was not. No. I didn't even grow one inch after the age of 12. 


As I grew older, I would dream about what it must be like to be one of those tall statuesque models while looking at teen magazines. I would think, "I wonder what it is like to be able to wear that shirt or those jeans." Clothing in the eighties did not provide the options that it offers today for a small woman. During this time, the more I began to fixate on being tall, the more I disliked the height God made me. The more I disliked the height God made me, the more I didn't like myself. You name it, I have been called it. It has taken me years to overcome this height barrier and embrace my small stature. It's only because I focused my mind back on God and His Word in Psalm 139:14 that I have been able to overcome the reality of my short self. Mining the rich treasure God "wonderfully made" me has changed my perspective. Choosing to choose the truth of God instead of what's popular in the world has made all the difference in my thought life.


Why do I share this struggle? I share my height struggle with you, dear sisters, because I want you to know that I still have to fight it sometimes. And If I have to fight it, I bet there is something you have to fight too. And it's OK. We all have body image struggles at some point and time. I wish I could say I never think about being tall anymore. But sometimes I do. It's rare when it happens. Every now and then it rears its ugly head when I meet a very tall woman or I find myself in a crowd where there are lots of taller women. And the feeling can come crashing on my heart like a tidal wave and I begin to feel....short. Overlooked. Insignificant. And I have to talk to myself and remind myself of God's promises and pray when this happens. And soon, I am good. But it has taken me years to get this way.


I wonder what you are struggling with this day? What about your body image is stealing the joy of being God's daughter and believing that He has wonderfully made you? Bring it to the LORD. Take your thoughts to the scripts (scriptures, that is!). Let God's Word powerfully wash over your harsh criticism of yourself and bring you to a place of peace. And if and when it rears it's ugly head again at you, go back to Psalm 139:14 and say to yourself, "I am wonderfully made. God is pleased with me and that's all that matters."


Prayer:
Dear God, I sometimes don't like _______________ about my body. Forgive me for letting it steal away precious time from seeking You. Help me to overcome this hold it has on me. Make my mind a place where your truth reigns instead of my insecurities reign. Your Word tells me that I am beautiful in your sight and that you have made me and are pleased with me (Psalm 139). Thank you for hearing my prayer. In Jesus name, Amen.

Just for Women Wednesdays-Getting Out of the Mud of Emotions

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1Peter 1:13

Do your emotions seem to get the best of you some time? Do you ever feel frustrated about having to deal with the same emotion again and again? You pray. You read scripture and pray some more and still, it feels like you can't move forward out of the muddy mucky feelings. 

There are two things you need to do  first when you feel like this: A Mind Check and a Mouth Check. These two checks will reveal what you are dealing with. Once you know what you are dealing with, then you can move forward to get out of it.

Mind Check:

Everything begins in the mind and left to its natural state, it can produce nothing beneficial for a believer. That's why Paul preached to "renew" the mind through the reading of God's Word (Romans 12:2). The Bible says, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:2). Ask yourself this question, "What earthly thing is taking my mind away from focusing on Jesus, His Word, and keeping me from thinking about life with an eternal perspective?" Is it coveting something someone else has and you can't have it, which then produces anger, bitterness, envy, or discouragement towards that person or someone else? Is it fearing the uncertainty of your future which in turn produces thoughts in your mind about unbelief or anxiety, etc...  


Action Plan:
Write the emotion(s) down on a piece of paper.  Getting the emotion out of your mind and putting it out in the open will help you to begin moving out of the muddy mire of defeat. Next, find one scripture that addresses the emotion and memorize it. Focusing on one scripture is doable and doesn't make you feel overwhelmed. You might want to add scripture later, but lets at least be focused in our pursuit to get out of the mud pit!!!  Last, give the emotion to God through prayer. Every time you begin to feel the emotion, let the frustration you feel about the emotion coming back, lead you straight to the arms of God and not to the mud where you like to wallow. Give it to God again. Practicing this over again is how you begin to make a habit of bringing your emotions to God instead of the mud pit. The thoughts that you let rule in your mind determine how long you will wallow in the muddy emotion. The longer you think about the emotion, the longer you are making a conscious choice to choose your self and your feelings over choosing God.

Mouth Check:

What comes out of your mouth reveals the state of your heart. What is the tone of your words lately? What words are you choosing to use? If you whine, grumble or use sarcasm, you are in the mucky muck. The worst use of words is the under-the-breath-grumbling that comes out when you want to talk to yourself but don't want anyone to hear. God hears!! It doesn't please Him! All of these emotional use of words reveal that you are in need of some heart surgery...to let the LORD of LORDs search your muddy heart and clean it so it is renewed again (Psalm 51:2)


I found this to be interesting about how women differ in their emotions from men:

"The American Journal of Sociology, Robin Simon, Ph.D., and Leda Nath, Ph.D., presented the results of interviews conducted with 2,904 men and women across the United States about how frequently they experienced various emotions. They found that men and women had nearly the same number of emotional occurrences in a week, but women had more negative emotions and men more positive. Source (http://www.livestrong.com/article/162532-list-of-10-most-common-emotions/#ixzz20I0AifBJ")

Women have more emotions that can bring them down than bring them up. That's why we need to be careful and alert to renew our minds through the washing of the Word of God. We can't think positive on our own for a long time. We will become negative again! But with God, His Spirit, and the reading of His Word, we can fill our minds with solid truths that can withstand the change in life circumstances. 


Don't you want more truth in your mind than harmful, negative emotions? 
Then get going and do what the Bible says! He will help you!
Choose to live in truth instead of in the latest emotion. 

Just for Women Wednesdays- Christian Women You Should Know About

She became blind due to a physicians error at the tender age of 6weeks old. She would live to proclaim her thankfulness for being blind because she would not have been able to write hymns due to all the distractions if she had her sight. And as we remember her today, we still stand in awe of her. I stand in awe of her. Who am I talking about?

Today's Christian Woman you should know about is Fanny Crosby (1820-1915).

She lived from 1820-1915.

Why do we know about Fanny Crosby today? Because she wrote over 8,000 songs for believers.

She is best known for hymns such as "To God Be the Glory," "Blessed Assurance," "Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross," "Rescue the Perishing" and so many more! My favorite is "Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross!"

Why do we find a connection to her today in the 21st century?

Because she was a woman who overcame her circumstances ( blindness) by focusing on what was most important in life, that God be glorified. And glorified He was then, and still is today. Her obedience to take the life God had given her, impacts my life today. The words of her hymns still speak to my heart and it's almost been a hundred years since her passing.

Pastor, Author Warren Wiersbe writes about Fanny saying:

"How did Fanny Crosby write her lyrics? I never undertake a hymn." she explained, "without first asking the good LORD to be my inspiration in the work that I am about to do." It helped her to hold a small book in her hand, something she often did when she lectured or gave concerts. She would pray and meditate until she was in the right mood, and sometimes she would quote several hymns to herself to prime the pump. Then the ideas would come, and she would write the song in her mind and commit it to memory. At times, she would have as many as forty different songs stored away in her mind. She would let each song lie still for a few days before dictating it to a friend, who would then send it off to the publisher." (Source:Fifty Christian People Every Christian Should Know, pg. 104, BakerBooks).

What I love about Fanny is that she didn't let her disability keep her from serving the LORD. So many times, women can let emotions and feelings lead them away from pursuing the LORD and serving Him. But not so, with Fanny. Christ was her life and her life glorified Christ.

What about you dear sister? God has something for you to do for His Kingdom. Are you seeking Him? Or are you at a stand still because you think you can't do anything for Him. With God, all things are possible and there is nothing He can't use for His glory. Seek Him dear sister!

Just for Women Wednesdays- Christian Women You Should Know About

Last Wednesday, I posted about the life of Katherine Von Bora- Martin Luther's wife. This Wednesday, we focus on the life of a woman who risked much to tell others about the saving gospel of Jesus Christ.

Amy Carmichael

Today's post is about a woman missionary, Amy Carmichael.(1867-1951)

Amy's life motto was, "Love to live-live to love." And loving for Amy was not merely soaking up sermons every Sunday but reaching out and sharing the love of Christ in a dark world. She grew up in Ireland where her family managed flour mills. She lived a comfortable life. She accepted Christ at the age of 16. Two years later, her father passed and family finances were altered. Life changed for Amy.

At the age of 18, Amy was invited by friends to attend meetings at Glasgow where it would be revealed that God was calling her to missions. During one of the prayer times at the meeting, the speaker paraphrased Jude 1:24, "O LORD, we know that Thou are able to keep us from falling." It was then and there that God's Word helped Amy to see that holy living for her meant sacrifice in ministry. She believed if God was calling her to a life of missions, He would provide the funds for her to minister. So she prayed. He provided. Amy ministered to girls in the mills and a building was put up to minister to them. There, many came to know Christ and were shielded from a life of sin because of Amy's ministry. But that is not the place where Amy would stay.

In 1893, she sailed for Japan for her first missionary journey abroad. She then went to China, Sri Lanka and then back to England. The problem believers had with Amy was that she didn't stay in one place. Her ministry changed and shifted a bit and she didn't communicate like the church wanted her to. Amy came to see that the Missionary Society who provided for her, was quite distant from the people they were trying to reach out to. 

What I find interesting about Amy was that she ended up in India where slave trafficking became her life's ministry. Even in 1901, the problem was going on. We think slave trafficking has become such a big issue today, but no, it has been going on a long time.

Warren Weirsbe writes this about Amy in India:

"On March 6, 1901, little Preena, a seven-year old girl, fled from one of the temples into the mission compound and begged  to be protected. It was then that Amy uncovered one of the ugliest hidden sores on " Mother India's" body, the secret trafficking in temple girls. She learned how fathers and mothers sold their daughters to different gods, turning the precious girls into temple prostitutes.

Infuriated by what Satan was doing to these dear girls, Amy declared war. How many battles she fought on her knees, wrestling for the bodies and souls for these helpless children! How many times she and her associated risked their lives, and faced arrest and imprisonment, in order to snatch some pleading child from the jaws of defilement and destruction. One by one, other girls found their way to Amy and she courageously protected them. By 1904, there were seventeen children under her care, and then the LORD opened the way for her to receive and ministry to babies. In 1918, they opened the boys word, for the money hungry idolaters sold boys to the temple gods just as they sold girls.

Amy practiced John 15: 7, trusting God to guide them by the Word and provide for their needs one day at a time. Her principles of prayer:

(1) We don't need to explain to our Father things that are known to Him.

(2) We don't need to press him, as if we had to deal with an unwilling God.

(3) We don't need to suggest to him what to do, for he himself knows what to do. " 

         (Source: "50 People Every Christian Should Know: Learning from Spiritual Giants of the Faith, p. 302-304; Baker Books, 2009).  

What I find interesting about the life of Amy was that she might have been a little inconsistent in the church's eyes as far as ministry went, but she was focused solely on the LORD and didn't let what the current church culture thought deter her from reaching out to where God would have her to go. She fought hard to save these children. She risked her life.


To read more in depth about the life of Amy Carmichael, click here Amy Carmichael


To read more about the stories of Amy saving children, click here Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur


To find out more about current missionaries, click here and read their stories and find out how you can get involved.


http://www.commissionstories.com/

Everyone has a ministry wherever they are. Where has God placed you? Pray. Ask Him to reveal to you how you can share His love in the place where you are. He will do it dear sister! He will do it!

Just for Women Wednesdays- Christian Women You Should Know About

The greatest treasure we have been given as women, besides Jesus, is the lives and biographies of Christian women who have gone before us. Their lives teach, inspire and encourage us to follow the LORD.We connect with them because we realize that women, no matter what century they lived in, struggle with the same issues.

Today's Woman: Katherine Von Bora (1499-1552)

Katherine was married to the great Martin Luther.

She was born in Lippendorf, Germany. Her mother passed away when she was only five years of age. She was placed into a convent later in life by her father. While there, food protection and clothing were provided. But life in the convent was difficult. It was so difficult that young nuns who wanted to be free and fought to seek freedom were punished. As things progressed, there were twelve nuns who sent word to Luther that they wanted to escape. In the end, Luther arranged for the young nuns to break free. On Easter, April 5, 1523, two men, Henry and Leonard Koppe, drove up to the convent with a wagon load of barrels and placed each nuns inside a barrel and drove away from the convent. Three of the twelve girls went back to their home while the other nine were taken to Wittenburg, where a husband would be found for them.

Luther tried to find Kate a husband, but could not. As the other women found husbands, the only one left was Kate. The relationship between Kate and Martin Luther grew and they both came to see that they deeply loved each other. Their age: Martin Luther, 42, and Kate, 25. They had a glorious marriage despite their age differences.

Martin Luther called her, "Kitty, my rib" and she would call him, "Doctor Luther."

What can we learn from her? That is the question.

Here is what Warren Wiersbe wrote about Kate:

"She transformed the old cloister into a fairly comfortable house, and like the energetic woman of Proverbs 31, she launched into various enterprises to feed and sustain her household. She kept cows for milk and butter and for making cheese, said her guests, was better than what they purchased at the market. She started a piggery because her husband liked pork, and this gave Luther a new name for his wife: My Lord Kate, Mistress of the Pigsty.

She turned a neglected field into a productive garden and even planted an orchard. What produce she did not produce herself, she sold or bartered at the market and used the income to purchase items for the home. She even stocked the pond with fish! "Have I not at home a fair wife.! Luther said proudly, "or shall I say boss?"

Luther wisely permitted his wife to be in charge of the management of the home. To begin with, he was far too busy to worry about such things, and, he had to admit, she did a far better job than he could do. Katherine not only cared for him and the household, but she ministered to the needs of people all over Wittenberg. She listened to their problems, gave them care and medicine in their sickness, counseled them in their sorrows, and advised them in their business affairs. The town recognized that the Luther household was an exemplary Christian home, and much of that success was due to Katherine.

Luther battled depression.

 "During one very difficult period, Luther was carrying many burdens and fighting many  battles. Usually jolly and smiling, he was instead depressed and worried. Katherine endured this for days. One day she met him at the door wearing a black mourning dress.

"Who died?" the professor asked.

"God," said Katherine.

"You foolish thing!" said Luther. "Why this foolishness!"

"It is true," she persisted. "God must have died, or Doctor Luther would not be so sorrowful.'

Her therapy worked, and Luther snapped out of his depression.

Source (50 People Every Christian Should Know: Learning From Spiritual Giants Of The Faith, Warren Wiersbe, Baker Books, 2009, 9-15).

 I love the life of Katherine Von Bora because it showed that she was a Proverbs 31 woman who tended to the needs of her household. We live in a world where wives try to farm everything out to everyone else. God had given us households to be in charge of, to bless our family and our husbands. She took ownership of her household and Luther took notice of it. She worked hard and helped others. It was not all about "HER." In a world full of celebrities who have all kinds of help to do everything for them, we tend to think that is "the life." But the Bible tells us differently (Proverbs 31). 

I pray something today gleaned from the life of Katherine Von Bora, encourages your walk with Christ as a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

and Katherine endured this for days 

 

Just for Women Wednesdays: Pursuing Hotness or Godliness?

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about modesty. In the middle of our conversation I brought up the word "hot" as a possible motive for women in the church losing their modesty. I thought it was a topic to begin to explore. I am only touching the surface of this topic today.

That's so Hot!!!!

I still remember the first time I heard the word, "hot" used in terms of another person.  I didn't think much about the word then, and I don't think much about the word now. The definition of "hot" as an adjective is "sexually exciting, carnal, erotic, lewd, (Source: http://thesaurus.com/browse/hot). If you consider what is really being said when describing a person, "hot" emphasis is placed on a person as a sexual object instead of as a person created in the image of God. That's why I never use the word nor do I seek to be "hot." I really hadn't thought about the way it made me feel as a woman until the other day when I was discussing modesty with a friend of mine. "It seems like more women, even Christian women, want to show more skin than ever before," she said. "Not only is it in the culture around us, but even in the church we have to address the issue of modesty."

Agreed.


So why are Christian women and young christian girls seeking to be "hot?" Is it because Christian women have let worldly thinking of being "hot" skew their idea of "beauty?" Do Christian women desire to look "hot" or desire to be godly and look godly? It's really that simple. There are no agreements with hotness except if you are married and there is a time and place for hotness there!!! That's it. If Christian women are desiring to look "hot" to whom are they desiring to look "hot"for? This desire to be "hot" and noticed speaks to a greater issue of a woman desiring love, security and contentment. The place where that comes from is through a thriving relationship with Jesus Christ. 


When I hear the word "hot," the image that comes to mind is a commercial picturing a woman showing too much skin or a promise from an infomercial about how to get a "hot" body. I never connect godliness to hotness. They just don't go hand in hand to me. You may think differently from me and that's OK. With swimsuit season in full force, many women wear bikini's and prefer them over a one piece. But I still can't get over the fact that a bikini looks like underwear on a lady. I have to be in a bathing suit this summer with my son in local pool and I try to keep covered up as much as possible. I still hate having to get in with him simply because I hate showing that much skin. But I have to do it. At present, I am looking for water shorts to put over my one piece. Modesty is really hard these days because the world is telling women and young girls to pursue "hotness" by the clothing that they wear. 


Instead of using the word "hot" I prefer the word "beautiful" or "pretty." The Bible describes women as "beautiful" in form, or "Beautiful" or "very fair." Thank goodness we can go back to the Bible and turn away from the world to get a healthy view of what beauty we should be seeking.

Consider the following Scriptures

• 1 Timothy 2:9-A beautiful woman dresses respectably.
• Proverbs 31:30- A beautiful woman knows, loves and has a reverence for God.
• 1 Peter 3:4- A beautiful woman has an incorruptible character on the inside unlike the clothing that is corruptible on the outside and she has a peaceable spirit that is pleasant toward others. 
• Romans 10:15- Beauty is telling others about Jesus.

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23

As a believer, a follower of Christ, a woman; you have a reputation to uphold. You have a charge to be blameless. Our bodies are to be used to build up the body of Christ, not tear them down by causing a fellow sister in Christ to follow a pattern of dressing or a fellow brother to stumble toward lust in his mind.


To sum it up, does your clothing reveal a pursuit of "hotness" or "godliness?" 

Just for Women Wednesdays-Where's Your PASSION?

What gets you up in the morning? 

What motivates you? 

What would people say is the passion of your life?

These three questions have one simple answer. It's in the WHO not the WHAT!! 

JESUS.

We are so busy looking for the "what" when it comes to finding passion that we miss finding our passion in our relationship with Jesus.

Is JESUS the passion of your life? 

Is HE the passion that drives you to look forward to another day? Is HE the passion that motivates you to be a better worker, wife, mother, business owner, artist, Sunday School teacher, friend, daughter, single woman,....? Is HE what others would first proclaim is the passion of your life? Girlfriend, IS JESUS the passion of your life? Is HE?

Sadly, this is what I believe our lives look like during most of the week:

                                      Empty of passion and filled with busyness with no real purpose.

Part of the fall recorded in the book of Genesis that we have to learn to deal with is learning how to survive in a fallen world. The word "survive" is key. And survival gets in the way of our passion for pursuing Christ. 

Let me say it again. Survival gets in the way of our passion for pursuing Christ. Because surviving here on earth is hard. Life is hard. Work is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Making and keeping friendships are hard. Everything is hard!!!! We find ourselves up to our eyeballs with hard life stuff and yet all the while our hearts are yearning and burning for something more. That craving deep inside that only you know about is a desire for Jesus. A desire to have Him be the passion of your life. 

I like one of Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary definition's in regards to passion:

"The state of the mind when it is powerfully acted upon and influenced by something external to itself;" (Source: http://topicalbible.org/p/passion.htm).

When we come to Jesus and read the Word of God, our mind changes. It is renewed and ready to get going. There is a spring in our step. A spiritual energy that is deposited into our soul to face the hardness of life. But when we are not seeking Jesus and leaving him on the shelf for a later time, our passion wanes. And we become hungry. Starving hungry!! We begin seeking passion in everything else and every other person other than Jesus. And we find ourselves silently unfulfilled. We find ourselves silently frustrated at our lives. It's a cycle we will have to struggle with until we meet Jesus in Heaven. But it doesn't have to be this way. It's really simple sister!

THE BIBLE + PRAYER + JESUS+ TIME= Passion for Christ

• Psalm 84:2 says it best:

"My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God."

Does your soul solely long for the LORD?

• Psalm 119:20

"My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times."

Is your soul solely consumed for the Word of God at all times?

• Psalm 42:2

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

Is your soul thirsting for a time to meet alone with God?

If yes, then your passion is growing and will continue to grow. Keep seeking Him dear sister!! Don't you dare stop!!! If your answer is no to all these questions, don't be discouraged. Your eyes have been opened to the state of your heart. Read through these Psalms again. Seek to memorize these Psalms and make them the prayer of your life. Act upon your relationship with the LORD. Come back to Him. Don't delay. Come quickly. Ask Him through prayer to give you a desire and hunger for Him and His Word alone. And there, dear sister you will find your passion.  

Just for Women Wednesdays-Bitterness and Free Time

What do you do with your free time? Some women will laugh when reading this question saying to themselves, "What free time!!! I have no free time!" That's the problem. Many women don't get a hold of time. They let time get a hold of them. If life is not planned, life will plan you. What women need more of is the ability to say "no" and to deliberately plan for things that make them enjoy life.... like a nice walk or coffee with a friend, etc. Without a moment of quietness and sanity, we wilt. We lose our joy because we feel like all we do is something for others all the time. The cycle continues when we complain about not having time than making time to plan a few things to do some things we enjoy.

I read an interesting article in the New York Times about women being the enemy of their own free time. I found it interesting but quite true. More interesting than the article were the 52 comments left by people in regards to the issue of free time. Some people shared how they hired help to clean their home so conflict could be avoided in their marriage while others boasted about leaving the dishes in the sink and sitting down to read a book for an hour. I don't have a problem with either one. What I felt came resonating through the article was an attitude of bitterness against men for not doing "their part" of the household chores. I believe many women struggle with harboring bitterness against their spouse for not helping with the household chores because they see them enjoy their own free time. Most men don't think about the chores. They want some down time. Harboring this attitude as a women only adds to conflict in a marriage.

How do you become a woman who doesn't harbor bitterness about doing chores at home when you feel like you do them all the time? How do you find a few minutes to enjoy some free time?

Saying Goodbye to Idleness

"She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27

God has called women to be watchful over the affairs of the household not be watchful over email, Facebook, twitter and the Internet. Take care of these things. But don't let technology rule your life. These things are all good but we have to not let them lead us to becoming idle. Being watchful means we know what needs to be done. It means we delegate tasks. One of the greatest ways women sabotage getting their husband to help them is simply harboring an attitude of resentfulness instead of humbly, kindly asking for help. The best way to do this is to ask your husband to help you and give him a time frame that it needs to be done by. He can't read your mind. If he can't do it by the time you ask, talk through (lovingly) what would be a realistic time frame for the task to be done. If your husband doesn't help at all and resents you asking him, pray. Pray for God to change his heart.

Taking Ownership of Your Witness

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,"  1 Peter 3:1
                                                                                                   

We have a witness in our home. Whether your husband is a believer or not a believer, he is watching how you conduct yourself inside the home. Are you a witness pointing him toward Jesus? Or are you complaining all the time about how you do 'this' and that you are so tired and never get any help? The more we take this kind of attitude the less we have a godly witness in our home.


Learning to Say "No"
The more we say "yes" to things, the more we bring conflict into marriage. The more things we do outside the home make our home off balance. Learn to ask yourself, "Is this something that only I can do? Can they find someone else to do it besides me? What is my motivation for saying yes? If I take on another thing will it benefit my family or take more time away from my family? The greatest word you can say is "no." You don't have to be everywhere all the time and do everything for everyone. Let God raise up other people to use their gifts too.

Carving Out Free Time
Free time means to have down time. I am not talking about having three hours of free time or having a "me day." I am talking about setting aside time in each day to read, think, do something you like to do. 30 minutes. 20 minutes. 1 hour. Whatever time you can get. Time to recuperate and relax. Time to let your mind not think about anything and everything. The only person who can carve out is you. Your friend cannot do it for you. Your husband cannot do it for you. Only you can do it. Look at your schedule, analyze it and search to be diligent and disciplined to carve out time where you can. You will be so glad you did.

To read more about the article in the New York Times click here:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/05/are-women-enemies-of-our-own-free-time/

Just for Women Wednesdays-The God of Your Brokenness

Broken hearted.

Broken relationships.

Broken promises.

Everyone has experienced the heartfelt pain of brokenness.

For some, brokenness has simply become a way of life. They expect more brokenness and no restoration.

For others, the pain of brokenness is almost unbearable. The pain is too fresh and it seems like it will never end. For many, brokenness is the journey they have walked through and joyfully have come to the other side of restoration. Praise God! But no matter where you are on the brokenness spectrum, it is normal to ask questions.

People Ask Themselves in the Middle of Brokenness...

 "How will I ever be the same again? How will what is broken ever be repaired?"

In reality, pain changes us.

It never leaves us the same.

Going Back to the Truth when You are Broken

God knows your brokenness.  He is familiar with every heartache you feel spoken and unspoken.

The Bible tells us God is near to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18). What a promise to hold on to!!!!

 

Consider how the Bible tells us God heals our brokenness:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 147:3

One of the Hebrew meanings for the word "bind" is compress.God heals our hearts. He compresses our wounds and stops the bleeding.

He Promises to Be With Us

When you are broken, first look back to God's Word.

Remember the promises of God. One of the greatest promises that calms the soul is the truth that God is "with us."

Read the following verses (place your cursor over each scripture)

Isaiah 41:14

Isaiah 41:13

Isaiah 41:10

I rest in the truth that I am never alone when I am broken. I may initially feel alone. But when I turn my heart back to the truth, I hold on to the promise that the LORD is with me. He promises to be my help.

Last, brokenness is how our LORD, Jesus Christ, was able to bring about the beauty of new life into our lives. He was broken for you and me so we would never know the sting of death.

Bring your brokenness to the LORD and let Him bind every tender wound you have. HE promises to heal!

Just for Women Wednesdays- Be Who God created U to BE (Not Someone Else)!

Don't kid yourself.

The struggle to BE who GOD created YOU to be is real.
I wouldn't be posting this today if I hadn't struggled with it in my own life.

Finding my Voice

From the time I could open my mouth, I have always been singing. Still am today. In high school, I grew to identify with female Christian artists. I was a strong believer of Christ and I wanted my life to imitate those who were following Christ, too. If they were women and sang about the LORD, then it was all the better! In the 80's and 90's, two women, Sandi Patty and Amy Grant, were my favorites. But I was partial, very partial....OK super duper partial to Sandi Patty.

She was my all time favorite.

Here is a song I heard her sing in concert back in the 80s. I found it on you tube. You don't have to listen to all of it, just a bit to see what she sounds like.

When it came to Sandi Patty, I wanted to BE like her. I wanted to sound like her. Her voice inspired me. Her music lifted my spirits and encouraged my heart. I vividly remember practicing every song from her tape on my stereo almost every Sunday afternoon. I would play through an entire tape over and over again noticing every note and would belt along with her to the best of my ability.

As my passion for her music grew, I went to her concerts. I followed her whereabouts in newspapers, magazines and on television.

When I got to college, my ultimate dream came true...I played and sang in a group that opened for her concert. Then, I got to meet her after the concert.(No comments please about the true color of my hair!!!!)

My Sophomore year of college, I remember asking myself, "Where is my voice? What is the true voice of just me?" The silent war to be like Sandi Patty that battled within me was only known to me. And it was frustrating. It was keeping me from seeing who God created Ashley to be and pursue the qualities God gave only me. Eventually, I remember revealing my frustration to my parents saying, "I can't find my voice! I want to find my singing voice, not imitate someone else's."

The Voice Journey

As much as I loved Sandi Patty, I came to see that I needed to look beyond her voice to find my own. I began purchasing new music from other female Christian artists and listened to their songs. I made myself learn and sing new songs. Even if it wasn't my normal style, I made myself listen to it. It was difficult, but slowly I began to find my voice, not imitate Sandi Patty's singing voice. I now know the kind of songs I can sing and the range that best fits my voice. I am comfortable in the voice God gave me, and only me!

God did not make me to BE Sandi Patty. He made me to be me!
It's not a bad thing for women to admire other women who inspire you to pursue a talent or dream or push you to know more about Christ. These are all good things. But it can become toxic when you are constantly focused on only one person to be like, to imitate.  

MAKE IT PERSONAL

Dear sister, "who are YOU?"
Who has God made YOU to be?
What spiritual gifts, personality, talents, heart did God give YOU, and only YOU?
 From the distinct way you say a word, to the way your hair curls or the way you write your name, God made YOU YOU! There is not another YOU.

Psalm 139:13 reveals that God didn't create you to be someone else in your mother's womb. He knit YOU to be YOU in your mother's womb. His fingertips were all over the creation of YOU! Let that truth sink deep into your heart.
Take time to notice the details about the qualities God has given you in your own life.
Enjoy the journey to become who God wants you to become.
The journey to who YOU become in CHRIST is so much better!!!!

Just for Women Wednesdays- When Women Label Other Women

You know you do it.
You don't mean to.
But you do.

What am I talking about?
Labeling the women around you.
We all do it.
We don't mean to but we do.

But why do we do it? It is done because we are creatures of habit. And we creatures of habit like to feel secure. Anything that makes us feel insecure and vulnerable, we dash to the closest thing that makes us feel secure e.g. a close and constant friend. 

When you walk into a room, does your mind run off to labeling other women around you as friends, best friends, acquaintances and women you don't know? It's OK if it does. But when we stay in this mindset of labeling, we miss getting to know other women around us. We miss getting to know their story, their gifts, their life. We miss being a blessing to them because we are so busy focused on ourselves and staying on our own agenda. Who knows....one of those women could be your best friends for life. But you wouldn't know it because you are too busy staying in your comfort zone with the friends you always have.

The Phrase that Still Hurts my Heart

I will never forget the time when a friend of mine in elementary school labeled a friend of mine as her "best friend." Ouch!!! It still hurts a bit when I think about it. Immediately I came to feel inferior, hurt, and ousted. The girl didn't mean anything harmful to me, but it did hurt. It hurt right to my heart.

Even now as grown woman, the phrase "best friend" still can leave a mark on my heart when I hear other women refer to other women in front of me in this way. It's like someone has shot an arrow right to my heart unintentionally and I wasn't prepared for it. I immediately can feel ousted, left out, and inferior because I am not labeled their "best friend." I don't want to feel this way. But sometimes, every now and then I do. I am just being honest. I share this because if I feel it, I know I am not alone. You feel it too! Be encouraged dear sister, with God's Spirit, we have help to overcome these heart wounds.

What's a Girl to Do?

• Change Your Mindset

     It hurts our heart when we don't have a "best friend"  or when the person we thought was a good friend mentions a "best friend" in front of us. This is a real feeling. The more we hear other women talk about it,  it seems the greater the feeling can become inside our own heart. Don't let any root of bitterness grow in your heart my dear sister! Stay strong in the LORD!

      The greatest way that I have learned to deal with this real feeling of not being someones "best friend" is to seek to be a friend to them no matter what I am labeled according to their eyes. I do not search for a "best friend" anymore. I try to be a friend to all and be as loving, encouraging and supportive as I can to all. Searching to be a best friend to someone else can a lead a woman on a long journey of disappointment. Change your mindset (1 Corinthians 2:16).Pursue the mind of Christ over your old mindset. Be on the pursuit to be a loving Christian friend to all. In the journey, you will find a close friend.

• Pray

Prayer is how you don't bear the burden of not being someones besty (Ephesians 6:18). If you have to meet with a group of women have closer connections within the group than you do, pray before you go meet them. Ask God to help you keep your thoughts focused on Him and His ways (Colossians 3:2). Thank God for being able to meet with these women and ask Him to help you be about His business and not be focused on how you feel.

I pray this has been a great encouragement to you today. It's painful. But it's real. If someone you thought was a good friend to you has a "besty," love that friend in the LORD and be thankful for her. Don't let your mind simmer in the statement made by her about another "besty." You are loved by God. Chosen. The Apple of His eye and He thinks you are wonderful. Be about His business and don't let these petty things of this world steal time away from being about His business.

Focus on being a friend to all, not looking for a besty.
Ask God to bring you a close friend.
You will save yourself from lots of heartache and wasted time.

Just for Women Wednesdays- Embracing Where U ARE!!!

 

Does your mind ever wander to a dream you want to fulfill in your life or to a life that you wish you had instead of the one you have at present? Maybe you dream of more free time or less laundry. For some of you, maybe you long for a new job with less stress and a nicer boss. Maybe you long to stay at home with your children and not have to work full time. Maybe you stay home with your children and yet you long for more purpose in life and feel like you are getting old raising your children and life is passing you by. Whatever the case may be, God desires for each of us to thankfully embrace each moment,each breath, each day because He has given us another day to rejoice (Psalm 118:24). He has made your day today my sister! Rejoice in HIM. He is the best part of each day!!!!

Turning Back to What's TRUE

Let's turn our minds away from our wants/wishes and purposefully focus them back on the truths of God.

We want God's WORD to change our minds, which will change our heart and therefore change our actions. When I find myself wondering about tomorrow and wishing away my life, these verses set me back on the straight and narrow and rejoice my heart! I pray they encourage your heart, too!

(Place your mouse over each scripture)

• John 5:17 (God is always working and never stops working in our lives.)
• John 2:4; 7:6 (Jesus had to wait for his time at the cross to come. Live in the waiting time.)
• Job 14:5 (Every moment has been given to us by God.)
• Psalm 31:15 (Our times are in God's hands.)
• Daniel 2:21 (God is in control of all things.)

Dear sister, I don't know where life finds you today. I don't know your joys and sorrows. God knows. Don't waste your life today thinking about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). Focus on the people around you today. Live during the waiting time. Learn new things where you are. Embrace new relationships where you are. Find the good in your circumstances. Stop letting the past or the present define your mood and your words. Bring your mood and wishes to the authority of Christ and let the Word of God wash over each thought, each wish, each longing.

Let God's WORD define your life, not your flesh.

Prayer

Dear God, thank you for giving me the very breath I breathe. Thank you for this day that you have made. I bring my heart to You and ask You to bring me peace where I am in life at this moment. I don't know what tomorrow may bring but I trust in You and Your truth today. Keep my mind from wandering away to the future and instead give me eyes to see every tiny blessing You have given me in each day. Help me learn to embrace where YOU have me each day. Forgive me when I turn away from Your truth and look to my own fleshly desires. Thank You for hearing my prayer.

Just for Women Wednesdays: The Search for Beauty

THE BEAUTY SEARCH
Have you ever thought about how you subconsciously look for things to make you "feel" pretty like monogrammed bags, pink i-phone holders, ruffled coats or spa- like bath products? Think about your hair color/cut, nails or makeup? What lengths do you go to when it comes to finding ways to have for beautiful hair color, pretty nails and makeup? It's the beauty search dear sister! It doesn't matter if you're a high maintenance woman who constantly has to be made up each day before stepping out the door or the mom whose wearing green polka dot rain boots in carpool who didn't get a shower that morning. Each woman equally desires for and longs to be beautiful. Think about it. The hunt for beautiful things can even be something as simple as searching for pretty scrap booking paper in the clearance section at Hobby Lobby to perusing the ladies section at Target looking for something "new" to wear.
 My Personal Beauty Search
I vividly remember when the frustrating search for something beautiful to wear from my closet began. I was in college.It became my focus each morning. In those days, I felt so ugly that I would change my clothes two or three times before I walked out the door! (Not now! Praise God!) No lie, my roommates could vouch for me today! But there was something greater going on inside my heart then. I wasn't remembering who I was in Christ! My mind was more focused on what I looked like on the outside (what I was wearing) than what was on the inside (my heart). I loved Jesus but I still struggled with this search to be beautiful. No one was telling me that I was ugly in college. But I felt it. Where did that beauty lie begin? It certainly never came from my parents or friends. With much prayer and reflection, I came to see I had let the things in the world like magazines,commercials, movies persuade me to believe that beauty really was skin deep. I knew better!
I have come to a place in my walk with the LORD that I embrace who I am in Him, not who I am "not" according to the world. When I start to feel low on the world's beauty index, I pray. I count my blessings. I thank God for "wonderfully" making me (Psalm 139:14).
The Beauty Search: Then and Now
As I was thinking about the hunt for beauty, I wandered how women searched for beauty years ago. So I went back a few decades and found the following. Guess what? It's still the same search. Searching for beauty transcends all generations.
Notice how magazines in the 50's appealed to this inner desire women have:

                                                        The search for beautiful things (1001 gifts)

                              The search to be beautiful (ways to improve your outward beauty)
Things today haven't changed! The search for beauty continues:


 It's not wrong to search for beautiful things. It's not wrong to be presentable for each day. It's not wrong to take care of the body God has given you and read magazines that promote healthy living. It is wrong when outside beauty become your sole focus. The Bible tells us true beauty in the LORD is timeless (Proverbs 31:30). True beauty is fearing God. It's what we become when we place all our devotion in Him. Placing our hope in beauty on the outside is deceitful because it fades. We all know that beauty fades! But we still need to hear it and have a healthy reminder of the truth. I say it because even though we all know it, we still think it and battle with our appearance daily! 
 
God sees the place where your true beauty lies- He looks at your heart.
What does your heart look like? Is it filled with a continual worldly pining for things you wish you were or had? Or is it filled with Scripture about who God is and who God says you are in Him?
Consider what the Bible has to say about the inward man:
(Place your mouse over the Scripture and it will come up)
• Romans 7:22
• 1 Peter 3:4
• 2 Corinthians 4:16
Most importantly above all we are made in God's image (Genesis 1:26). His image is the one that makes us beautiful, not our sinful nature.
You are beautiful in Christ.
God's grace in your heart makes you a timeless beauty. If you place more time focusing on the inside instead of focusing on the outside, you will become a woman who is greatly to be praised, not because of her outward beauty, but because of her character founded in Christ.
Dear sister, I am praying this for you today:
"that...he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,..." Ephesians 3:16

Joy 2 U!

Just for Women Wednesdays- The Discipline of Advent

I don't want Christmas to ever feel rushed inside my home. I don't want a sense of frazzledness to be the memorable feeling felt at Christmas and the main memory I remember or my husband and son remember when we think about the Christmas' past.  The greatest gift as a woman you can give to others (including your family) during this season of remembrance is keeping things simple and staying disciplined to prepare your heart for Christmas.

I asked the question, "How can I make Christmas memorable in my home?" When our son was two and a half, our family started the tradition of Advent. I sadly regret my husband and I never celebrated Advent before our son was born. Even if your children are grown or you are a single adult, reading the Advent, meditating on Scripture and celebrating the birth of Christ can prepare your heart for Christmas.

Growing up as a Southern Baptist, I don't remember celebrating advent. I remember counting down to Christmas, but I didn't remember reading daily Scripture, just the account of Christ's birth.

What a difference it is making inside our home as well as in our hearts, especially my own heart. One thing that stands out in my mind is the discipline of Advent. It sounds good to do it. But I won't lie. It's work. It's time and energy and effort. You have to be deliberate and commit to doing it every day to truly experience and prepare your heart for Christmas. It's ok to miss a day, but if you let another day go by, you may miss a week and then another. Keeping Advent inside the home and making the most of it begins when you don't let it slip away from you. It is staying committed despite how you feel on a certain day. The obedience to honor Christ will bring about a blessing inside your heart and home. That's why I am posting it here.

Today's reading comes from Genesis 3:8-15.

As I read this passage to my son. All he heard was a bunch of words. I had to simplify them and teach him that Adam and Eve's disobedience to keep God's Word brought about sin into the world and therefore that's why Jesus came- to make a way for us to know God again.

Genesis 3:15 is one of my favorite verses in the Bible:

" And I will put enmity
   between you and the woman,
   and between your offspring and hers;
he will crush your head,
   and you will strike his heel.”

What is so special about Genesis 3:15? It's the promise of a savior. The promise of salvation. The promise of victory for the believer. It's the reason we have joy. The reason we have hope. The reason we have new life in our hearts. The reason we can trust God- because HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES!!! (Hebrews 6:17-19)
This is the reason for Christmas. The promise at the beginning of the Bible was delivered through the birth, life, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

 I pray you will make time for Advent. Learn more about it. Commit to it not just to commit to another thing, but to commit to it because you are making time to worship Almighty God. He is worthy of our worship!