Joy Treasure

The Need for Friendship (Tearing Down the Invisible Walls)

I have a need for something more, for deeper connections outside of "hello" and "how are you?" Are you like me? Do you find it difficult to move beyond those typical introductions with other women? God continues to call me to keep my walls down that keep me from meeting other women outside my comfort zone. It's hard making new friends when you are an adult because it's easier to stay where you are comfortable. Where the women you "hang" with are the "only" ones you hang with.

But are you missing something outside those invisible friend walls you put up around you?"YES!"

Other women have a lot to offer your life. Do you ever think about that anymore? Or have you even written off that truth? Think about it: Maybe she is a good organizer or has creative ways to discipline children and you need help. Maybe she is a woman who is deep in her walk with the LORD and you could be greatly encouraged by her passion pursuing Christ and learn to follow too! Maybe this woman has battled an illness and has learned "what really matters" and you could benefit from her embracing each moment of life ways. Maybe....just maybe you could benefit from meeting new friends.....

But you will never know if you keep your walls up. Your invisible walls that no one knows except you. You see, other women can walk right by those walls and never know why you seem closed off or distant. They don't know your hurt. They don't know your comfort level. They don't know that you think you don't have anything in common with them. They just see you don't want to get to know them, barely say "hello" and never seem friendly.

You may not even know you are coming off in this way. That's what invisible walls do. Sometimes they have become such an intricate part of they way you "do" life that you aren't even aware you are putting them up anymore. They just are there. 

I am not saying ditch the old and bring in the new! It's very good to keep your old friends, but it is important to be open to make new friends. To be welcoming of new women in your church, bible study, Sunday School or neighborhood. To almost have an alarm in your brain that goes off saying, "ALERT, A WOMAN TO YOUR RIGHT IS ALONE. GO INTRODUCE YOURSELF."

Why We Stay in The Same Groups!

• We stay in the same groups because we like to be comfortable. It takes energy to try something new like go to a new bible study where you don't know the women. It's easier to stay where you are and just  "be." It's hard to meet for coffee with other women who are not your "normal" group. You have to start over and feel vulnerable and be on your best behavior.

• A second reason we stay in the same groups is that we know the women who know us, know our stuff. We have been "real" with them and they have been "real" with us. So to move past that invisible walls with other women seems like a whole new mountain to climb. We just look at it and write it off saying, "I just don't have it in me."

• Other reasons can be past hurts where you trusted someone too much and she was hurtful and insensitive and just threw your heart on the ground. That can be a hard one to move past a friendship that was hurtful. But just because someone was hurtful doesn't mean every friendship will turn out the same way.

1. Pray. Ask the LORD to show you if you are putting up an invisible walls toward other women who could bring a lot to your life. Ask Him to show you why you have placed these walls up when around other women. Ask Him to give you courage to befriend other women.

2. Try something new: Go to a new bible study where you don't know the women. Say "yes" to a girls night out invitation from other women you don't know. YOU... invite another woman to your home for coffee or meet her for lunch and let the kids play.

3. Give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself about why you put up invisible walls. The only problem about invisible walls are the ones you never tear down. Having the courage to tear them down is where freedom can begin.